As my time nears, I find that each passing second become hours. I stand behind the counter with my head of my hands pondering about whether I should go to graduate school or not. I have spent time preparing for the admissions and have taken those devilish GREs, yet my mind refuses to cooperate with my decision that my heart has made. My mind asks, "are you sure you want to let go this good job that you have now that took you months to get?" My heart says, "well we have to move on. She has a goal to reach." Who is right? My whole body is in turmoil.
This is another voice behind these two that says, "you shouldn't go to graduate school. You and I know that graduate school is not made for you yet. You still need to practice. Besides to become a novelist you don't need graduate school. You need a top-notch manuscript that says publish me."
"That's true." Both say in unison. Now both of them are thinking. Of course, my mind is dancing the salsa because there is another voice that agrees with her.
Now I am in a turmoil because I did say preparing. I didn't say that I applied or anything. I have all the papers with me all I have to do is put the finishing touches on it and sent it out even though my GREs are looking so good. I have never been the one to take standardize tests, so I think thats why my heart says, "concentrate on your writing. You are determined even enough to learn on your own. Besides there are so many ways to become a better writer and published without going to graduate school."
Now my mind and that voice are becoming stronger and is dominating my mind. They do have to right to dominate because I am working at the job of my dreams. In a way, I feel like I have fufilled my quest and have reached it peak.
For years, I have yearned for the smell and multi-colors of the books. Having to be surrounded by books, touching the covers and pages, looking at the words typed across the head, that is my dream. That is what my soul has been yearning for and now it has reached that goal. I was 7 when I started to dream about becoming a librarian. A 7 year old girl who would walk into the library and imagine she was one of them stocking the books and scanning the books. This 7 year old girl has tried and tried to get the job of her dreams and has now achieved that and does not want to let it go. Her works are friendly and the customers are as much as enthusiastic about books as she is. What better way to live then to live the life of your dreams.
Now tell me, who would not be confused if they were living the life of their dreams?